Speech at the Jhb Protest March 2012

I was asked to give a speech at the Jhb protest against traditional leaders attack on LGBTI rights on 19 May 2012. I decided to post it here for those who missed it and are interested.

It may not be everyone's dream to find their life partner and get married but it's always been mine. I never thought it would ever be possible as did most of you, I'm sure. I married my wife, Gaye, on the 5 March last year with the most beautiful ceremony on a beach in Knysna, followed by a cruise around the Knysna lagoon on a paddle cruiser sipping champagne while we watched the sun set. And finally ending up at Featherbed Island where we celebrated under a canopy of ancient milkwood trees lined with 1000s of fairy lights. It was the most special day of our lives, a fairytale dream come true, filled with so much love and wonderful energy .

Just the thought that someone who doesn't even know us personally, could find fault with the love we have for one another and the sacred vows we shared on our beautiful day, literally blows my mind. I just can't get my head around it. Is it so hard to comprehend love between individuals, regardless of their sexual preference? We've all felt it at SOME point in our lives! From my viewpoint I know that, in the heterosexual world, men love women and vice versa and I respect that. I don't really GET it though. It's a foreign concept, falling in love with a man. It's as unnatural to me as homosexuality or bisexuality is to heterosexual individuals. But I'd never feel I had the right to get in the way of their love. No-one should have that right.

The LGBTI community find themselves in the rather awkward position of being damned if they do and damned if they don't. If we conform to what society wants, we keep the peace with society but never find peace in ourselves and we live a lie. If we don't conform to what society wants, we don't keep the peace with society and we STILL don't really find peace in ourselves because society cannot allow us to. The result: society wins every time. I am one of the fortunate ones. I eventually found my peace. There are sadly not many of us who have been able to come out and be at peace with it. Some just choose to live a lie because it's easier. Whichever way you choose, it's an emotional roller coaster.

Emotional struggles aside, we are here today because the struggle has become political... again! We thought we'd been down this road. We thought we'd achieved freedom and the right to live our lives in peace. We thought wrong.

This is what I know: The ONLY reason the ANC distanced itself from Holomisa's comments was because of the public outcry. Before that, they were actually going to consider it! The fact that we even had to make a big noise about it to achieve that means that we have not won and we are being prematurely complacent. There are always going to be those who are determined to try and break others down. I KNOW it won't be the last time something like this happens.

Fighting is hard for us as a community, I think, because we are a sensitive, loving bunch;) We aren't fighters, not all of us anyway. We're fortunate to have a handful of people fighting the cause for us but don't think it's an easy thing for them either. Fighting for something that people fear opens you up to a world of hate and discrimination and that's hard to take, especially when you've spent half of your life trying to convince yourself that you are NOT an abomination and that you're actually a good person!

You can't please everyone. There are those who will always think they are right and we are wrong and vice versa. Only, of course, we KNOW we're right;) The cynics among us will be rolling their eyeballs at what may seem a bit Pollyanna-ish but my personal opinion is that it's only because they don't personally KNOW us, that they continue to fight against us. That's why I think it's so important to be out and proud, especially people in the public eye. If you think about it: once you get to know someone and hear their story, it's very hard for you to hate them, unless, of course, they're a complete idiot! People fear what they don't understand and, what people fear, they'll attack. Our job is to make them get to know us and love us before they can even attack! The more people that KNOW a member of the LGBTI community personally, the bigger our support base gets, the harder it is for the naysayers to make themselves heard. My wife and I personally know many people who don't necessarily think being gay is right, but they will defend us to the death because they know us and love us and can't deny that we are GOOD people. We're not asking people to conform to our way of thinking. We're just really asking them to let us live our lives WITHOUT their two cents worth!

If you're not a fighter, THIS is how you can do your bit for your community, let your lives be an example. Show them how seriously you take your relationships and your marriage vows by treating them as the sacred things they are, show them that you KNOW you are worth it in the way you live your life. That doesn't mean flaunt the big chip on your shoulder;) I mean show them that being LGBTI doesn't automatically make you a child molester, a drug addict, an alcoholic, promiscuous or a part of the gay agenda with a plan to take over the world.

I'm sure you've all seen those images doing the rounds about “this is how they THINK we live and this is how we ACTUALLY live” The majority of us don't live glamorous lives. We're just here trying to survive like everyone else. So let them SEE that. Social networking makes your life an open book for everyone to see. And you are being watched! Unfortunately people are ignorant enough to lump everyone in the same category. If SOMEONE LGBTI did SOMETHING bad, then they must ALL be like that! Like it or not, you are a representative of the LGBTI community. I really believe in the concept of Lead SA. We can apply it to our own lives and by doing that, be a positive part of the community. Let's make it incredibly hard to hate us;) Let's educate the people around us on what it really means to be LGBTI. Help them understand us and you'll help all of us in the long run. You'll have to roll with the punches but that's nothing new for most of us!

Marches likes this are good and necessary, even if no-one will take our memorandum at the end of it all. At the very least, in the last couple of weeks we, as a community have reached so many people and touched so many lives whether we know it or not. You are part of something powerful and you are making a difference on every level. Things can change in a heart beat and the LGBTI community needs to stand together now more than ever. Next time we face something like this, and we will, it will be even bigger because of today. Let's keep the momentum! This is how we start a revolution!