I thought this was worth a post! Sara Bareilles wrote this song for a friend who is struggling to come out. I just love it and I thought you might too. I love it when pop icons like her speak for those who can't. It brings a huge lump to my throat. It's also an AWESOME song!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I wanna know what love is
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008
A wise person said to me that, when in doubt, I should write…funny that. Telling me to write! It's something I should know but sometimes you forget the things that, you should know, help you the most. So I stole a title of a song I listened to while growing up, as my subject. I think there are a million songs written with that sentiment in mind but there are just a lucky few who get to find out the answer to that question. So, any words of wisdom? Anyone who listens to my songs will know I am an expert on messing love up! We have all had a broken heart…haven't we? Or do I just think that it's normal?! I'm not here for a pity party. In fact I abhore pity. I say it very matter-of-factly. I am one of many who have suffered a broken heart. I don't get any awards for that. What I get is a lesson learned, that I can carry away with me and use to protect myself from future hurts…right? One would think… And yet, here I sit, on a Monday evening, alone at home nursing a bruised heart again.
At 32 years of age you would think my heart would have taken the lesson and run with it; that it would recognise hurt before it manifests itself as the living, breathing thing currently staring me in the face. Hurt comes in many forms, I've realised. It consumes you emotionally, physically and spiritually. And you don't quite know which one to feel first. I guess you don't really get that choice. It's an onslaught that you are fairly powerless to stop. But, being an old hand at this game, I know how to run with it. The problem comes in when every situation involves a completely different scenario. There is always something new to face and, currently, I find myself facing unfamiliar territory. Oh well, all this adds character and strength. One has to wonder, how much character and strength is necessary in life, really?
I think some of us must've put in a request before we graced the world with our presence saying "I would like to have as much character and strength as it is possible to have in this life, before I die!" I have to laugh. What else can one do? There are worse thing that could happen. There are terrible things happening in the world. If you just keep reminding yourself of that, it makes your problems seem miniscule…right? But it's all relative isn't it? No matter how much you KNOW that life could be worse, and it is sometimes, it doesn't make you feel better knowing that! Because, right now, at this very moment, nobody else is feeling what you're feeling and that is possibly the loneliest place to be. Lonelier still when you don't really know how to allow the pain room to breathe. Easier to downplay it. And so I shall, because ignorance is bliss and what I dont know, can't hurt me.
Some call me cynical. Let's be honest, I call me cynical! The thing is, when you confide, in someone, your deepest, darkest hurts and secrets, and they use them as examples of ways to hurt you, you are in danger of becoming cynical. But the world is full of predators and how can you KNOW? How can a person be such a bad judge of character? Was it such a bad thing to believe that the world actually DID have good people in it? I don't think "wiser" is the right word to use for describing what happens as you get older. I think cynical and jaded are far more appropriate. And are those necessarily bad things if they can protect you from future hurt? The thing is, I AM one of those idiotic people who believe everyone is inherently good. And even if you hurt me unbelievably badly I will still give you a safe place to sleep and feel compelled to protect you somehow. Even though I can barely look you in the eye. Self-preservation is strong at the point where pain and confusion cross the line of reason and walk all over your heart.
Enough. I am hurt, yes. But I WILL wake up tomorrow morning and I WILL do the day, and do it with the attention and focus it deserves because I must and I can and I would never let anyone have that kind of power over me that I would do a half-assed job. When you meet a person you think you could come home to, and they pull the rug out from under you so that you carry bruises for weeks or months, the only thing that you can do is pick yourself up, laugh at your clumsiness and walk away with your head held high. I didn't get this far by letting other's mistakes affect my life and I am not about to start.
I still don't know what love is. Being who I am, believe it or not, makes it a little more challenging. Love and obsession and fanaticism blur at times and I can't always distinguish between them. But with time everything gets easier and clearer and I know I will get better at it. I do know that loving someone makes you loathe to ever want to hurt them. However, hurt them, you will. But I don't think it will ever be intentional. (Maybe that's just me?) The minute you cross the line of hurt from emotional to physical, it crosses the line from love and goes to obsession and that's when it's time to walk away. Even I know that.
I don't think I need help. I don't think my past, bad relationships have made me "difficult" and if you dare to say that you will be crossed off my list. I believe they have made me aware of what I don't need or want in my life and I believe we all have that right, to say, and know, what we need and don't need in our lives and NOBODY has the right to question that. My posts never turns out how I plan them. It has nothing to do with music. But I have a feeling a song will result from it all. I do know I'm not the first person to feel like this and I dare you to disagree with me. Tomorrow I may feel differently (though I doubt it) and that is my prerogative;) Right now, this is how I feel and so this is what you get!
But sitting here in my house, with my cats at my feet and a bunch of fabulous friends who have saved my life on many occasions, I still have so much to be grateful for and nothing is as bad as all that. Tomorrow is another day and I will face it head on, because that is what you do and I wouldn't have it any other way!
FAQ!
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008
I had to do an interview for an afrikaans magazine and I thought I'd just put it on my blog because I get asked questions like this all the time and hopefully these will answer some of yours!
1. Tell us a little bit more about your Afrikaans song, "As". What inspired you to write it? I sing at many afrikaans festivals. I really love the atmosphere. I love the artists and most of all, I love the audiences. They have a passion and love for music that I can really relate to and that makes it fantastic to be on a stage in front of them. I wanted to give something back to them and, as I didn't sing any afrikaans songs, I thought I should try one. But I am a songwriter and I wanted the song to be my own style. So I decided to try and write one. It wasn't easy for me but I am happy with it as a first attempt! I just hope the audiences enjoy it!
2. What is the core of the message of the song? It's really just a love song. Everybody who listens to it can relate it some part of their lives, I'm sure. We've all been in love and we all want to be loved.
3. How do you feel about the success of Sweetest of rhymes? I'm so excited about it! I was on tour when I wrote it and who would've thought, when I sat down one day and poured my heart out on a scrap piece of paper, in a strange room, in a strange town, that that song would end up playing on radio stations around the country! It's incredibly humbling to know that my words are being listened to by 1000's of people. You never expect it to happen and when it does, it's just beyond words for me, as a songwriter.
4. And how would you describe the tone or atmosphere of your album Unspoken Truth? There is quite a mixture of songs, lyrically and musically but, to me, it has an all-over more positive feel to it than my first album. I think I was in a very good place when I was putting these songs together and I can feel it when I listen to it. I like to provoke my listeners a bit, and make their thoughts wander along with me through the lyrics and music and I think, and hope! maybe, we achieved that.
5. Where do your songs come frome? Describe the writing process, if you will. I really am not sure! People ask me all the time which comes first: music or lyrics and it's a chicken and egg scenario for me! I can't say. They just pour out. I can feel when I need to write. I'll get a melody in my head with some lyrics and my fingers will itch for my guitar and I'll run for my songbook and then the world disappears for a while. Generally that happens when I am in a moment of experiencing huge emotional upheavals of some kind, whether they are good or bad. Sometimes I look at it afterwards and wonder where it came from! I think the beauty of the creative process lies in it's complete lack of order and structure. It's so wonderfully organic!
6. The SA music industry is known for being fickle, full of ups and downs. What keeps you motivated? Sometimes it is hard and I often have to give myself a pep talk to keep moving forward. I've always been driven by a passion to get my songs heard. I want to find people who are willing to open their minds and listen to what I have to say. I can't tell you why it's so important to me. It just is! I have so many different audiences, all listening for different things at my shows. And some have not been so receptive to anything! But the ones that touch me are the ones that really listen to my songs. There only ever has to be one in the audience and that's enough to keep me going. And when I experience that feeling, there really is no question of whether or not I'll keep singing. My music is food for my soul, and how does a person survive without the thing that fulfills them the most?
7. How has your life changed since Idols? What do you know now that you did not know then? What is the most important thing you have learned? Wow, how much space do I have to write?! My life changed hugely just in terms of my own view of myself as an artist, and as a person. I don't think it's possible to walk away from something like that and not be changed. I grew so much stronger just from having to deal with daily criticism of the thing I loved to do most of all. I don't do it for approval. But I had to gain it anyway. I didn't do it to become famous, but I became famous anyway and I had to deal with having my life scrutinised and picked apart by anyone who wanted to. And it was very seldom done politely! I grew very thick skin and I had to learn that every comment made, was just the opinion of one person and wasn't necessarily true. Being on the other side of the fence has shown me that we are all only doing the best that we can, from the littlest, most unknown person, right up to Britney Spears. And that there will always be someone who thinks they can do it better. But I also learnt that there are people out there who really just live for the music, and that will always keep me bouncing back.
8. What is your motto, in business and in life? (if the latter seems to personal a question, please feel free to ignore it) The personal greeting on my phone since Idols has been "I can do this day". I really believe that life doesn't throw anything at you that you can't handle. Face every challenge head on and take every chance that is offered to you because you can do it. And how else will we grow, if we don't step outside of our boxes and push ourselves to the limit of our endurance.
9. Please complete: Before I die I would like to . . . Have one of my songs be a hit internationally and…Go to Tibet! I have a great weakness for . . . salt and vinegar popcorn and 70% cocoa lindt dark chocolate! The musician (local or international) that inspires me the most is . . . Nianell (local) and Tori Amos (International) What people don't realise about the music industry is that . . . Fortune doesn't always go hand in hand with fame Life is . . . a series of unknown adventures just waiting for you to take chances with!
Mel does Mozambique!
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008
Wow, what a year 2007 was! All I can say is yay for 2008! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. It just felt pretty much like a rollercoaster ride. Such is my life I guess so what am I complaining about!? Nothing changes;) I think I did way over 200 shows during the course of the year and then, towards the end of the year I had a bit of a scare when I was told by my doctor that I had to rest my voice or risk getting nodules on my vocal chords. Talk about shock to the system. I felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over my head and I went numb all over with horror. I saw my life flash before my eyes…a life without singing…and it was too awful to contemplate. So, the end of last year was a bit strange for me, workwise. I was busy, but not so much with singing. We had to slow down on gigs. I took on other things. For example, I went to Mozambique on a fishing trip!
Believe me, its not something I'd ordinarily do! Anyone who knows me knows that fishing has never been my thing;) And who would've thought I would've learnt so much about myself doing all the things I'd always feared… I was in Cape Town for a show. I had barely touched ground the last few weeks and I was actually looking forward to a week at home with my cats to just regroup. It wasn't to be. I received a phonecall from a company called Just Letting. They were putting together a tv show all about fishing and they wanted to include some celebs just for something different. They had already filmed Minki van der Westhuizen and they wanted to know if I was free the following week. There went my week at home!
It was with some trepidation that I agreed and asked them to work out logistics with my manager. The show was to be shot in the north of Mozambique at a resort called Paindane, near the town of Inhambane. I would be needed for about 4 days and I would be filmed fishing off a jetski and a kayak, among other things! Well, I'm not one to run away from a challenge so I said yes, of course. I was supposed to fly on the Tuesay but I had been booked for a show which we had postponed a few times due to my voice giving me trouble. I just couldn't postpone it again. It was a fundraiser for the SPCA, organised by an 11 year old boy at one of the schools I had perfomed at during the year. I just couldn't disappoint someone so small, trying so hard to make a difference! The problem was that the school was in Nottingham Road, which is about 1 hour and 15 minutes drive from my house. That meant I wouldn't make the flight. So they organised for me to drive with someone.
I was up at the crack of dawn on the Tuesday. First stop of the day was a photo shoot at the pavilion for another gig. From there we raced off to Nottingham Road. After setting up, performing and signing over 200 autographs, we packed up the equipment, got back in the car and raced back to Hillcrest where I packed my last few things and then Alan dropped me off to catch my ride. As a result of all the goings on during the day I only arrived just after 3pm where a very eager John, from Just Letting, was waiting to hit the road! The plan was to get through Swaziland before the border closed. He thought it closed at 9pm. Upon arrival at the Swaziland border we discovered otherwise, much to John's frustration. We were stuck in Swaziland for the night! So we found a beautiful game park to stay in and we made the most of it and had a fantastic and much needed dinner. Needless to say, by the time I arrived at my chalet, I was completely exhausted from a day of constant running and fell into bed after setting my alarm for 4am! I had to be up, packed and ready to leave at 5:45am so we would reach the border just as it opened.
Two very tired, blurry-eyed people hit the road again the following day… The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful except for the potholes! I am not sure how many of you have driven through Mozambique but the roads are in desperate need of repair! In fact, they may be beyond repair. I think entire new roads are in order! We were pulling a jetski on a trailer so it was a bit nerve-wracking. The whole drive took around 14hrs and one would've thought I would've been bored but I wasn't. I was fascinated by the country. It is, pretty much, miles and miles of the same thing; war-damaged shells of buildings that have simply been abandoned and left to go to wrack and ruin, with roofs missing and grass and weeds growing through the concrete floors. And all around these abandoned buildings are hundreds of thousands of little grass huts which are the homes of the majority of the people in Mozambique. And they, in turn, are surrounded by thousands of coconut trees! You find yourself wondering when it will end but it doesn't…it just goes on and on for miles. To see poverty to such a large extent, is incredibly humbling. And an interesting bit of trivia is that a villages wealth is measured by the amount of coconut trees they have!
Just before we arrived at the resort we had to stop the cars and let the tyres down as we would be driving on beach sand for the rest of our time there. We were driving in convoy with a friend of John's who happened to sell sweets and had brought boxes of them with. He gave me a few packets and out of nowhere I was suddenly surround by hundreds of children all saying "suweet". It was as adorable as it was heartbreaking. Depleted of "suweets" I took a photo of some of them, to their absolute fascination and one can only wonder at a world so different to the one I know, where a camera phone is taken for granted and yet they have never even seen one. With much apologising for having no more sweets, we departed and finally arrived at the resort.
What a place! I realised right then and there that I wouldn't need ANY of my shoes! As well as most of my clothing;) It was HOT! and there was only beach sand everywhere. I took off my sandals and went barefoot the rest of the trip. We went straight to the beach bar and ate sushi made from a barracuda that had been caught that day. There is nothing like fresh fish and I ate enough of it that week to sink a battleship! After a fantastic dinner I went to my chalet to get settled in time for lights out which is at 10pm on the dot. Electricity needs to be conserved so, whether you like it or not, everything goes off! I got into the habit of wearing a very stylish (not really!) headlamp! But for convenience it was fantastic because … …I was told call time the following morning was 4am! so much for catching up on my beauty sleep! Of course, it's still dark then so in the mornings all you could see were floating lights and that's how you knew someone was approaching;) And when you have to dress and brush your teeth and eat something in the dark you are very grateful for that little hands-free lamp!
So the floating headlights drove down to the beach to prepare and I watched the sunrise over the ocean. A breathtakingly spectacular sight I will probably never forget. And then I had my first experience on a jetski! I was piggy-backing on John's very state-of-the-art jetski. It's quite a scary experience launching a jetski! Especially for someone who prefers to be in the driver's seat. Not that I would've known what to do but having to place my trust in the hands of a relative stranger, not knowing how good he actually was, was difficult for me! And of course, let's not forget all this is being filmed as well…
Once we were out on the water (and I'd gotten over the pain of having my foot trampled by John as he jumped aboard!) things were great. We were out there for a few hours and I lost complete track of time as we trawled through the water waiting for a fish to bite. It sounds boring, and I thought it would be. But to be out on the ocean at that time of the morning, with the sun rising in front of you was amazing. We caught one fish out there the whole 3 hours we were there but I got to drive the jetski and experience going at really high speed over the water. A rush I wouldn't have missed out on for anything!
My days there were spent snorkelling, swimming and tanning for the camera crew. What a tough job;) I have to say snorkelling was one of the best experiences of my life. I was completely enthralled by the colours and the shapes and the different creatures. Once again, I surprised myself. I have a healthy respect that borders on fear, for the ocean. And yet I swam over half a km out just to see coral and fish and I'd do it again tomorrow!
4 in the morning was fishing time and the next day was my turn on a kayak! Now this, I was terrified for! I get badly seasick and was so worried the motion of the kayak would make me ill. I also felt a little vulnerable being so close to the water because of sharks and having to rely on my own strength to make it back to shore. Once again, I underestimated how much I'd love it! I went in tandem with Heinrich, the presenter of the show. He does it all the time so I felt a lot safer. We went out about 3km, maybe 4 and it was one hell of a workout getting past the breakwater but once we were out it was pretty easy going and I found my rhythm. We were out for several hours before we finally got a bite and Heinrich told me to take it! Panic! But he showed how to do it and I was SO DETERMINED to do this. We almost had a head-on collision with another boat and my Chanel sunglasses fell off my head in the struggle which I was devastated about! It was a big fish. I had no idea how big it was or what it was until it surfaced and good lord, it was a barracuda!
If you've ever seen those teeth up close, it's a very scary sight! Heinrich helped me bring it onboard and we put it in the little hatch. Oh my word! My first fish. It's a wierd feeling catching a fish. If it hadn't been for the show, I would've released it. But they wanted to do photos etc. I felt sad for it and I guess the fish and I had a moment, cheesy as it sounds, where I apologised and said thank you. Later when we watched footage I felt like crying at all the fish and how valiently they fought. I was very happy to find out that almost all the fish were released. And the fish that weren't released, fed everyone. Then I felt much better!
Later that evening I found out my fish was a whopping 8.6kg! And word spread because everyone I passed at the resort congratulated me. I was one of them! It felt pretty cool I have to say:) My last night we went to visit a nearby village. We took sweets and I took my guitar. When we arrived there were about 30 children to welcome us, all singing their little hearts out. It was beautiful. I returned the favour by singing them a song and then we handed out sweets to everyone which went down really well and I lost my heart to more than a few babies! One of the locals impressed us by climbing up a coconut tree to get us a coconut. I have never seen anyone fly up a tree like that, and with no branches to hold onto!
Back at the beach bar I did what I do and entertained everyone there with my guitar, sitting outside under the stars, with the ocean just behind me. The whole evening had a magical, unreal feel to it which, to me, encapsulates Mozambique. It is like stepping into another dimension. The contrasts of the country boggle the brain and the beauty of it can take your breath away. There is an uncomplicated air to the place which, is ironic because the the lives of the people living there are anything but uncomplicated. Yet the people of Mozambique are so humble, hardworking and happy all the time, in the midst of all that poverty. Their lives are all about survival. You can't help but be awed by it. I went there to work but I came away from there feeling more at peace than I'd felt in a long time. It's amazing how something as simple as feeling the sand beneath your feet constantly, can ground you. Being surrounded by nature constantly, rejuvenates you and seeing how much you have to be grateful for, humbles you.
I learnt a lot of new things about myself on this trip. I can fish! I am not as scared of the ocean as I thought. I didn't get seasick once and I won't let that fear inhibit me in the future. I can do anything I put my mind to, if I just give myself the chance and try. I'm no stranger to taking chances. My life is all about that! But sometimes you need to be reminded I think, just to boost yourself out of any little ruts you may be in. Facing your fears makes you feel more alive than you've ever felt. It also opens up your mind to a million other possibilities.
This is what life is all about. Taking chances, experiencing as many things as you can whenever the opportunity arises. Why else are we here if not to experience, learn and grow. And I know that no matter what happens, even if I could never sing again, it'd just be life throwing another challenge at me and I'd accept it because there is so much to this life and so much in this world that I have yet to experience and who am I to limit myself and decide it's only ever going to be this? I hope I can sing for many, many years to come. I can't imagine a life without it. In the meantime I'll just keep taking those chances and pushing my boundaries so that I'm ready to handle whatever comes my way. Because I've proven to myself that I can!
My day as a groupie!
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008
I found an old email that I sent to everyone a couple of years back, after the K's Choice tour and thought I'd post it because I just found it quite funny! In the midst of a rather unpleasantly hectic time of my life I somehow managed to find a day to rival all the good days I've ever had, in its absolute perfection, in an obscure little town called Potch this saturday just passed. In fact, it was so good that I decided I had to record it and send it to everyone because I can hardly contain myself;)
Most of you have heard of Potchefstroom I'm sure but have you heard of Aardklop?! It's one of the largest Afrikaans festivals in the country and all the Durbanites give a collective: "yes...and?!" I know a lot of you can't say more than "baie dankie" but let me tell you, this is one festival worth going to even if you spend the whole day only saying baie dankie and getting yourself lost because all the signs are in Afrikaans! And I'll tell you why...because K's choice played there this year!
Now for all those uninitiated into the world of non-mainstream music (shame on you...) this is possibly one of the most brilliant bands you will ever hear. They are from Belgium and are a brother and sister team. They have 4 albums out and each of them also has a solo album now. And you're all going blah blah where is this going so I'll just forge ahead... I have been a fan for years. I had been thinking of going to Jhb anyway, when a friend told me 2 days before that they were playing at Aardklop so of course I thought it must be a local band because what would they be doing coming here. No-one seems to know them. So I rang the organisers only to discover to my absolute delight that it was indeed THE K's choice!!! I won't include the scream that followed those exclamation marks but you can imagine...
Unbelievably I had a few free days and I had been toying with the idea of driving to Jhb to get my bird, Mr Wendell (yes, he is named after the song for those wondering), go and visit Robyn and do a bit of soul-searching, so this was the sign that I was meant to go. I got into mini-me (my very little car for the un-informed) and drove up the drag to Jhb. Potchefstroom is happily only about 115kms from where I was staying so my fabulous friend, Robyn agreed to go with me for which I owe her big-time;) It was kind of fun going on a day trip like that.
Upon arrival we immediately got lost but eventually found our way with my bad afrikaans and various phone calls to Tersia (who was also there by the way) We had to park miles away and of course, being a girl who never wears takkies unless I'm at gym, I was in my lovely white heels...needless to say my feet got a good workout. By the end of the day they were raw! But it was ok because, by that stage, I was walking on blissful clouds of happiness so I didn't care;)
We had no idea when K's choice were actually on. No-one could tell us and so, in case I missed them altogether, I made poor Robyn get up at the crack of dawn so we could shoot to the airport and say a quick hi to Mandy and Thia (It was so lovely to see you gals even though it was literally a short hi and bye;) and then shoot off to Potch lest I miss my band. So we're waiting to pay to get in (tickets were R85 to get into the stadium but there were about 10 bands playing) and this girl comes up to us and says do we want one of her tickets because her friend can't make it. She wouldn't take money for it so I only had to pay for myself and Robyn got in free! A sign to me that I was in the right place!! How cool is that?!?!
In we go running for a toilet because this all took ages and by now we're all bursting, being girls;) Then up to the stage to try find out when my band is on and Robyn goes, "Mel, that's them standing behind us" and I'm like, "no, are you sure?" thinking why on earth would they be standing out there with us looking at the stage too. They're huge international stars you know?! But sure as eggs, it's them!!!!! Major panic stations! What should I do? I'm too shy to approach and while I'm deciding, they walk backstage and the opportunity is lost! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@!*!!!!
Quick as lightning I dash for the Look and Listen stand and buy one of their cds and we head backstage where a very rude security chick (who I know was only doing her job but doesn't she understand what a huge fan I am?!?!??!!) refuses to call Sarah (the lead singer cos of course we're on first name terms;) ) for us so we stand like twits for a while and I'm lamenting the fact that I'm a complete moron when all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, she gets up and starts walking towards the gate even though she can't even see us. So I called, "oh sarah" (smiling smugly at the security guard who was glaring at me) I said "sarah, please will you sign my cd?!" and of course she said yes and we actually CHATTED to her, found out when they were on (which was only 7:45 that night and it was only about 11:30. Once again I'm sorry Robyn for making you get up so early!!!) and I gave her one of my own cds;) cos a little PR never hurt anyone;) She probably chucked it away but there's always the chance.... She was a really down to earth, nice person. Of course I was suffering from brain freeze so the million questions I had, vanished, and I walked off with my mouth full of grinning teeth saying NOTHING!!! Suddenly I had a glimpse of how fans might feel when they come and speak to me at gigs and I have to say it really blew my mind! I was an absolute nervous wreck!
I'm sure people don't feel that freaked out with me but at least I got a little glimpse into how nerve-wracking it can be. So anyway, we basically had about 7 or so hours to waste until the show!!! And there were some really odd bands performing there... We walked around the festival a bit but my aching feet gave in eventually so we bought some very oily chicken kebabs for lunch and headed back to the cricket stadium where Tersia and Rene were waiting for us and we blobbed on the grass for several hours waiting. This sounds pretty boring but it actually was really nice lying on the soft grass of the cricket stadium drinking brutal fruits and chatting or just staring into space listening to whatever band was on. I got an awful stomache ache from above-mentioned chicken kebabs because of my annoyingly fussy stomache so I lay down and slept a bit and it went away thank goodness. Especially when Tersia and Rene surprised me with the K's choice DVD that they had to gone to buy me while I was lying prone on the grass as a belated birthday present for me!!!!! (Happy birthday to melly:) I was worried I wouldn't feel well when the band came on but when the time finally arrived I was right as rain and had positioned myself directly in front of the stage so I had a great view!
The show was UNBELIEVABLY AMAZINGLY FANTASTICALLY BRILLIANT!! It was just Sarah and Gert, her brother, doing an acoustic set, no band. I have never screamed so much in my life! I had a lump in my throat most of the time because the lyrics are so heart-wrenchingly applicable to almost everything in my life right now and her voice is just too hauntingly beautiful for any words to describe. It was a complete spiritual, emotional, wonderful experience for me. I felt like I had been emotionally cleansed from head to toe.
I found out during their show about the solo albums so of course I joined the maddening crowd to buy it and get it signed (and my new dvd of course) I never have been the groupie type who bothered with autographs but I wanted hers! so I fought tooth and nail with that crowd to get everything signed!!! I left that festival with the biggest grin on my face, sore feet and all I was jumping and screaming and running out of the stadium for the car on a complete high. It was such a good day...
I managed to get her solo album which I played on repeat ALL the way back to Durban today;) She so inspired me that I ended up writing a song in five minutes while I was driving back to Durban the next day and, not being able to write I had to put it all in a very long sms while I drove! Thankfully I didn't drive into the barrier and made it home in one piece;) I am now going to love and leave you all so I can go and put a melody to it and maybe one day you'll hear it on my new album! (Incidentally, this song is now my next single going to radio. It's called Come Back Home;)
Before I go I have to type the lyrics for one of Sarah Bettens songs which I immediately loved. I think everyone should use these lyrics as their rule book for life. They are so profound and yet so simple. My one problem with it is that I DIDN'T WRITE IT FIRST ! I hope I haven't bored you all to tears. If you have read this far, well done!!! Now read a bit further and then I promise to leave you alone;) For a while..;)
Don't stop trying, there's always reason to go on living as long as you can breathe.
Stay clear of extremes, Just say what you mean but try not to be mean.
You should say thank you often. Like your hair.
Wave to strangers everywhere.
Do what you're supposed to do. Don't look at what the others do.
Think before you buy a car. Don't marry someone you met at a bar.
There's no such thing as going too far. Love who you are.
Don't be scared of what's ahead But wear a helmet to protect your head.
Be aware, say you care, don't say fair.
Stay close to the hands that raised you. Watch for signs.
Never waste expensive wine. Spoil your body, spoil yourself.
Never cheat and share your wealth.
Sing when you're glad. Close the door if you sound bad.
Don't believe a man who knows he's right.
Don't skip ahead, enjoy your flight.
Be nice to your dog. Drive slow in the fog.
Convince yourself to write a song.
Change clothes everyday. Call ahead when you're late.
Be safe when you're planning to get laid.
Read what you like. Be on your brother's side.
It's okay to wonder why
But don't expect to understand your life...
Designer Musicians
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2009
South African musicians are among the hardest workers in the world. Take, for example, THIS well known SA musician: A typical weekend in her life includes the following: Friday night she will have a gig. She will supply the sound system, which means she has to load her car with it, drive to the venue, set it up and soundcheck, and then perform for 4 hours. At midnight she will pack up the sound system, get back in her car and drive home. The following morning she will be up at 5am to prepare for her first gig of the day at 7.30am. She again has to set up her own sound and performs for about 3 or 4 hours, then she will pack up the sound system and drive to her next gig. This process is generally repeated 3 times on a Saturday. Sunday involves another 3 and her day starts at 5am again. Let's not forget that a musician has to look ready for the stage as well so hair and makeup and outfits must be sorted, and in place, before leaving for the gig. That means preparation usually begins about 3 hours before it's time to leave for the gig.
To most people this may sound relatively easy, although I'm not sure how the word "easy" could fit into that schedule because I have left a few points out. For example, during those 4 hours of her show, she will be playing anywhere from 3 to 8 instruments while she is adding backing vocals to the show AND operating the sound desk which is conveniently placed behind her on stage. She will also have to dance, smile and ENTERTAIN the audience so that they don't feel neglected by her. (Oddly enough, when a background musician is playing, people ignore them. However, if they should STOP playing for any reason, they will suddenly notice and complain about it!) I don't think anyone, who isn't a musician, can fully understand how exhausting it is to give of your best musically, physically and emotionally, during a show. Try holding a smile in place for 4 hours! The smile doesn't leave when you take a break from the stage. A musician will still have to maintain the smile while an audience member tries to jump onstage and sing into the microphone, or drunkenly tries to grab them to dance, or persistently requests Hotel California when the musician is obviously performing their original songs and NOT cover songs. She will often not get fed for those 4 hours and she will have to pay for her own drinks, including water. The smile still stays in place while she packs away her sound system and carries 15kg speakers to her car while everyone sits around watching her. She gets no days off, because if she's not gigging, she's rehearsing for gigs, and if she's not rehearsing, she's teaching music, and if she's not teaching, she's catching up on admin or meeting prospective clients. Her hours start at between 4 or 5am and end around 2am if she's lucky.
Don't get me wrong. We love what we do and that's why we do it. But there comes a point in every musician's career where they have to ask themselves why? We've all asked that question. Why are we breaking our backs for very little appreciation? Did I mention that this musician has several albums behind her name? She has directed and produced a lot of the shows that you have paid good money to go and watch. And yet the only names in lights are a select few who had enough money behind them to market their product and actually put on the show. Why are there so few of them when South Africa is literally bursting at the seams with talent?
How many of you have joined an artist's Facebook fan page? How many of those fan pages belong to South African artists? If you can say several, good for you! Now, how many of the gigs have you supported, that that artist has advertised on Facebook? Facebook has been a saving grace for so many bands and musicians who ordinarily would have had no marketing means at their disposal. There is very seldom a budget for that. The problem is that Facebook is an ONLINE community and it appears that many people who support a musician online, seldom support them in real life. Without that support, it is almost impossible to put on a show. No venues will pay a guaranteed fee to an artist. The artist must rely on a certain percentage of the door fee. It's not too difficult to work out the earnings of any artist, based on the venue and ticket price. If a venue seats 60 people, and the tickets are R50 each, that is a door taking of R3000 (if all tickets are sold) 70% of that is R2100. Take off the sound hire for a show, let's be optimistic and make that R1200. You are left with R900. If you do the show with a band, each member will demand a minimum fee of R1000. Even with one extra musician, you will not break even.
Once you do the math, it isn't worth their while to do shows unless you are guaranteed of a sell out. And there are no guarantees. Is it any wonder that even artists with big names in the industry are forced to supplement their income some other way? Or even worse, to just give up. I could take it even further. A minimum price to record an album might be R30 000, if you're lucky. After that, a photo shoot must be done for the album cover, the cover needs designing, it needs to be printed and only then can you start selling it. But, if you aren't signed to a distributor, you can only really sell your albums at gigs and that brings us full circle to the previous paragraph! Factor in that South African music is at the bottom of a music buyer's list unless your music is kwaito or afrikaans. It doesn't look promising for SA musicians, judging from this post...
But...
It can be. And the power is in your hands. The majority of people who walk out of a live show say, "I had no idea they were so good. I'm so glad I came. I'm definitely going to support them from now on." All it takes is that one step. GO to one show. If it's not your flavour, at least you know. But chances are good that you will thoroughly enjoy it and you will leave feeling far more motivated to go to the next show, and the next show, because you KNOW it's a guaranteed winner and you know you will leave feeling good. The added advantage is that the artists and musicians will feel good because they were supported AND they made enough money to cover their costs and pay some bills. There is nothing like a sense of achievement to buoy your spirits and push you harder to succeed!
The bottom line, is without fans and supporters, musicans have nothing. We can't sing to our lounge walls forever! It's the high from being onstage that we crave. The energy from an audience is what keeps us going. We have stories to tell and we have a burning desire to tell them. And it's people in seats that make it financially worthwhile for us. What good is a show, without an audience?
Next time you receive an invite to a live music show, take a chance and go. Don't just click on "maybe attending" and then forget about it. That artist is watching the amount of guests attending or "maybe attending", sitting on the edge of their seats, wondering if they will have to cancel the show, or if those making promises will actually deliver on them. Make music a priority in your life. It's easy to do that when you try and imagine your life without it! Sure, maybe you'd rather go and see Pink when she's here. Who wouldn't? But the reality is that will happen once every few years, besides the fact that it will cost you a fortune. While you're waiting for Pink, why not spend R50 or R70 here and there and support an artist right on your doorstep that you've always admired but never seen live? Musicians lives are loaded with empty promises. We become so accustomed to smiling and saying thank you, knowing it probably won't materialise. Surprise us by following through. You'll be overwhelmed by the gratitude you receive.
Everytime an artist performs live, they are offering a piece of their heart and soul to you. It takes a brave person to sing about their innermost thoughts, especially if they are not convinced that you really want to listen, and believe me when I tell you that, even the most successful artist will always need convincing now and then. You may be paying to hear their stories, but the gift they are giving you in return is something irreplaceable and incomparable because it is entirely unique. It's the same reason you would buy designer clothes and we seldom think twice before spending THAT money.
Looking at it from that viewpoint, maybe it's time to find your own designer musician?
Walking the tightrope
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2009
I am just one person... One person with a million thoughts...But I have only one dream. At least it started as a dream, briefly became a reality, as if to tease me, and then once again became a dream. It will probably always be this way. Most times I'm sure it's still what I want to do with my life. When I was younger I was never more sure about anything than the fact that I wanted to sing my songs. When you're young you don't think about practicalities. I didn't say to myself, "I want to make a living with my music." I merely said,"I want to sing my songs." The dreamer in me thought that that would feed me somehow. I think it was that attitude that got me to where I am though. If I think about it, when it came to music, I never thought twice, I just said yes, and the universe heard me. There was nothing calculating about it, no ulterior motives, no thoughts of whether or not it'd make me famous, put food on my table, pay my bills... It was just an inherent love for music and it was enough for me.It was one of those times, that I said yes without thought or hesitation, that everything changed. Now, 6 years after the fact, singing is no longer enough for me. Reality snuck in. The dream got lost in a myriad of things like marketing and politics and radio friendly hooks. I am one of millions of dreamers who all have the same dream and guess what I discovered? A dream DOESN'T sustain you. When you realise that, and it becomes about compromising your dream and your passion in order to pay your bills, you find yourself on a tightrope, teetering this way and that, trying to maintain the balance between survival and sanity, without falling. It's very hard to follow the path that destiny obligingly laid out in front of you, back in the days when dreaming was enough. Especially when you have to keep denying Destiny in order to feed yourself. While you are selling your soul to make money, Destiny is tapping her fingers impatiently on the sidelines and you know she won't wait forever but a fear of losing your grip prevents you from giving in to her. And it's not even just about sustenance anymore. It's about getting yourself out there so people don't lose you in the millions of other desperate hopefuls trying to reach that pinnacle, the holy of holies, that place of all places with the signpost that reads, "You have arrived." (cue the choir of angels singing triumphantly) But that place is rather elusive I've realised. It's the mirage in the desert of the music industry.
The reason for that, I think, is because such a place doesn't actually exist. Not for a lot of artists. They will never arrive because there will always be one more level to climb, one more song to be written, one more show that will outshine them all. It will never be good enough and most will go to their graves still having felt that they're not finished. The well of creativity doesn't dry up. It is continuously filling itself. If an artist wants to find peace, it will only be as fleeting as the length of time they spend drawing from the well. The peace is in the process of creating. The rest of the life of the song is spent endlessly trying to capture that feeling until realisation dawns that it is gone. No matter that the song touched millions of lives. The artist has already moved on to the next creation because she has no choice but to keep striving for that feeling. We never really "arrive".
I was reading "The witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho recently and it seems so simple. Just go where you need to go. Be who you need to be. You will survive as long as you are doing what you are meant to be doing and, with love. It's hard to just let go and let Destiny have her way. It wasn't, 15 years ago. It is now. With knowledge comes fear. How do you take the plunge and allow yourself to fall off that tightrope, trusting that there is something waiting to cushion you? You won't know until you try, it's true. But the "what ifs" can be intimidating.
I can hear Destiny's eyeballs roll up and hit the ceiling with a resounding thud...I know she doesn't get my confusion. She still sees me as she always has, a passionate songwriter with stories to tell to anyone who will listen. So it's just me who has changed then. Am I entirely to blame for that? I guess I am. Nobody has the power to change me without me choosing to allow them. I know that. I forgot how to listen and I can no longer hear what I need to hear.
Ok, admitting this is a start, is it not? I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time. The well hasn't dried up. It's forever filling up. That means there's hope for me yet. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be me and that's good enough. At least, she seems to think so. Ok then...
I step out onto the rope... For a few seconds I sway this way and that way and then, holding my breath,
I fall.
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